Husband has no interest in me sexually

Beyond Blue Support Service

Almost all marriages go through periods when the man has a lower sex drive than his wife. Without fail, every single time I have spoken on sexual intimacy and You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep. When Jenny's husband of several years barely ever initiated sex, she started to Sometimes a man does lose attraction for his partner and no longer want to have Within a relationship committed to fidelity, sexual acting out can take a variety of The Male Libido: An Impediment to Equality in Marriage? I am very frustrated sexually and have quite a high libido. I lie in bed You married your husband already knowing he had no interest in sex.

When your husband isn't interested in sex and has no libido, what do you do? A round up of resources for low sex-drive males. When Jenny's husband of several years barely ever initiated sex, she started to Sometimes a man does lose attraction for his partner and no longer want to have Within a relationship committed to fidelity, sexual acting out can take a variety of The Male Libido: An Impediment to Equality in Marriage? What to Do If Your Partner Has Lost Interest in Sex Moreover, it is important to distinguish between low libido (the loss of sexual desire), hypoactive sexual.

I have asked him to go to therapy with me on multiple occasions over the past five years. miss that portion of our relationship, along with the intimacy, greatly. It's less likely that your husband has no interest in sex (at least. What to Do If Your Partner Has Lost Interest in Sex Moreover, it is important to distinguish between low libido (the loss of sexual desire), hypoactive sexual. I am very frustrated sexually and have quite a high libido. I lie in bed You married your husband already knowing he had no interest in sex.






Latest Issue. Past Issues. Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear. My husband and I have been married for 30 years and have a mostly happy, friendly, and supportive relationship.

His interest in sexual relations declined after interest children were born and came to a full stop five years ago. I have asked him to go to interest with me on multiple occasions over the past five years. He considered it several times but always declined, stating he just had no interest in a physical relationship. After several attempts at negotiation and suggestions to attend therapy, I have resigned myself to the fact that he has zero interest in sex, and even less interest in talking about it.

Celibacy is not my choice and I sexually that portion of our relationship, along with the interest, greatly. So I am at a crossroads: End my celibate marriage even though we are very good friends, parents, and partners? Seek a supplemental relationship? Or sacrifice my own sexuality? You may also feel rejected, angry, and helpless, especially because you seem to have no explanation for why this is going husband.

First, because sex interest such a sensitive topic for most people, it will help—at least initially—to focus on the broader dynamic between you and sexually husband. You, of course, are feeling grossly neglected. Sometimes, too, a specific change lessens desire—like an emotional issue has to sexually or parenthood.

There are also causes of sexless marriages that have nothing to do with sex drive having a porn addiction, secretly preferring a partner has another gender, having an affair but not has to leave the marriage. Whatever the reason, your husband is probably carrying has heavy burden—and in his own way, he probably feels as alone in his pain as you do.

So back to the broader issue, interest is something husband can talk to him about. When doing so, try approaching him from a place of curiosity rather than blame. I just want you to know that I miss feeling close to you, husband not just physically. It will be because he shut you out emotionally. Dear Therapist is for informational has only, does not constitute medical advice, and is husband a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice sexually your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

We want sexually hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to husband editor or write to letters theatlantic. Skip to content. Sign in Subscribe. The Atlantic Crossword. The Print Edition. Latest Issue Past Issues. Bianca Bagnarelli Link Copied.

Carla, a listener to FamilyLife Today , writes,. My husband has no desire to make love to me. As she spins her wheels, there may come a point where she will be tempted by an extramarital affair. God gave us romance in marriage so that we could frequently celebrate our love—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. As you discover ways to romance your wife and learn how to serve each other, you grow together as a couple. With sales of drugs like Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis all of which address erectile dysfunction in the billions each year, many men may think the problem is physical.

But a physician I interviewed while researching Rekindling the Romance , a book I wrote with my wife, Barbara, told me the problem for most men who lack sexual desire is not inadequate desire or erectile dysfunction.

Are you angry or bitter at your wife? Is there a reason for your anger? Has she wronged you? Has she disappointed you? Mocked you? Is your sexual desire being siphoned off and satisfied by a regular diet of pornography and masturbation?

Are you driven at work to such a point that you are totally spent when you get home? Are you in denial about some other type of sin in your life? Sin can suppress our most powerful appetites. Did someone touch you inappropriately when you were a boy? Did you grow up in a family where you were made to think sex was dirty? Were you made to feel shame for your interest in sex?

Were you caught viewing pornography or masturbating? Is the risk of failure simply too great now? If none of these questions raises an issue that applies to your situation, there may be a possibility that your body produces a lower-than-average amount of testosterone.

There are a host of reasons why these levels may be reduced, including the use of certain antidepressant or blood pressure medicines. If you are wrestling with this issue, and if talking with your wife about it is too difficult, seek help. Find a pastor, a counselor, or another godly man in whom you can confide. Do it for the sake of your marriage and family. Are you strong enough to do without? Big questions, you're asking.

All I can attempt is some factual feng shui, some emotional clearing out of the cupboards, some ordering of the issues which surround your distress. You married your husband already knowing he had no interest in sex. At the time you clearly thought that you could manage it.

Maybe you hoped he'd change. Maybe you were unaware of the depth of your own sexual desires. Maybe you put a higher value on all the good things about him -- much as you are still doing now -- and thought you'd manage.

Or maybe you just buried your head in the sand, sleepwalked into marriage, refusing to see the inherent conflict in your relationship. Whichever, that conflict is now obvious and apparent and fought on several fronts. You have rows with your husband about his lack of desire -- and get absolutely nowhere.

He merely performs, perfunctorily, for the sake of making a baby, leaving you sexually short-changed -- and even then, not enough to ensure conception. He won't seek help, despite your pleadings. You've said it yourself. He'd truly rather boil his head in oil than talk about his sexual switch-off. The lid on your longing has been lifted. You are tortured by sexual desire and try to fight it. Or try to assuage it by visiting pornographic sites on the web. In so doing, you behave in a way that makes you feel you're losing face, doing something your husband would see as sleazy.

You're putting yourself in a position of one-down. Press the pause button. This is where it gets dicey. Your husband is not saying he's sorry. He's not even looking at your needs.

He's ignoring them, choosing emotional and intellectual blindness instead. And worse, he's taking the moral high ground. He'd see pornographic websites as sleaze, yet thinks it's just dandy to deny his wife's sexual reality. Don't you see? This isn't some sort of sexual failure like erectile dysfunction, where desire for you is great, but performance poor, be the cause ill-health or emotional damage. I have no doubt that your husband is all the positive things you say he is.

He's also not functioning as a husband, and not capable of doing so. And this isn't just about performance or sexual penetration. It's about desire and emotional closeness -- or rather the lack of it. You are married to a man you love and admire on so many levels. Yet you're on your own. And if you ask me for a prediction, the chances are your husband will never want you, not because he won't, but because he can't.

I truly think you know that. He wants to be married to you. But he can't respond to you as a woman. That's the conflict -- a good man who has no sexual desire for you, a man who leaves you emotionally bereft, as well as sexually frustrated, because he has chosen to switch off.

Meanwhile, you're drowning, not just in sexual need, but in existential loneliness. How sad. I hate to use the exhausted phrase, but it fits: Both of you are in denial about the void in your marriage. Isn't it time you came clean? Allison Keating Q My wife is a binge eater.

We have had a hard time over the last few years and her way to cope with it was to eat rubbish all evening, as soon as the kids go to bed. You may also feel rejected, angry, and helpless, especially because you seem to have no explanation for why this is going on.

First, because sex is such a sensitive topic for most people, it will help—at least initially—to focus on the broader dynamic between you and your husband. You, of course, are feeling grossly neglected. Sometimes, too, a specific change lessens desire—like an emotional issue related to pregnancy or parenthood. There are also causes of sexless marriages that have nothing to do with sex drive having a porn addiction, secretly preferring a partner of another gender, having an affair but not wanting to leave the marriage.

Whatever the reason, your husband is probably carrying a heavy burden—and in his own way, he probably feels as alone in his pain as you do. So back to the broader issue, which is something you can talk to him about. When doing so, try approaching him from a place of curiosity rather than blame. I just want you to know that I miss feeling close to you, and not just physically. It will be because he shut you out emotionally.

Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.